I just saw these posts from yesterday, and burst into tears. Those tears are ones of sadness for all the wonderful people like blp and NF52, who have so bravely forged ahead, taking endless tests, traveling long distances, and getting spouses on board. The time and testing is tremendous and matters greatly, but it the hope that got crushed, hope that we all shared, but born especially by those in the study who put not just their bodies but their emotions on the line.
Having gone through a clinical trial in my 30's for recurrent miscarriages, I understand the fragility of emotions. Not knowing whether one is getting the placebo or the real drug weighs heavily-- feeling vulnerable in a hospital gown, -- being put through a clanking machine and feeling exposed, not to rays but to a sad, ineffable helplessness .
I would also like to add that in 2016, I taught the daughter of a top Eli Lilly researcher working on Solanezumab, the experimental drug that also failed. I did not know my ApoE4 status then, but I knew something was wrong with this wonderful student in my class whose behavior was 'off'. When I asked her privately what was wrong, she said her mother (the researcher) was heartbroken, not just because she had poured her heart and soul into this drug's development and it had failed, but that her mother was wrenchingly sad for the participants in the trial whose hopes were dashed. She said her mom had felt so much grief for how the participants must be feeling when notified, that she had vomited for two days feeling that she had let them down.
So, for the brave people who entered this clinical trial, I wrap my arms around you in solidarity. Know too, that there are many researchers and involved personnel at the study sites that are feeling your sadness too, like the Eli Lilly researcher and mother of my student.