4/4 and drawing blanks on faces from memory

[kristinmarie]

Hi friends,

I’ve been lurking in the forums since I found out my 4/4 status toward the end of last year. As someone with raging health anxiety following the early stroke deaths of both of my parents, the news hit (and continues to hit) me quite hard.

I’m only 37 so my rational brain tells me to stop worrying so much, but I’m wondering if anyone can tell me if the following seems concerning? I’ve had a few instances lately where I cannot remember something and I draw a total blank. And panic ensues. One concerning example happened the other day when I was reflecting back on the kids I used to nanny. I realized that I was completely unable to remember the faces of two of the young toddlers, one from ten years ago and one from eight years ago. I babysat these kids twice a week for over a year each, so saw them over a hundred times each and could not remember what they looked like for the life of me. I remembered that one had straight hair and one had curly and that was it - their faces were complete blanks. I frantically had to dig through old emails to find pictures of them and was finally able to remember. In one of the emails from eight years ago, I also discussed going to play groups that I have no recollection of - that also worried me!

Come to think of it, I also have a hard time remembering what my own toddler looked like during different stages without pictures. If I didn’t have the thousands of pics, I think I would just have very vague images of him as a bald, small baby.

Do you think this is all concerning or is it normal to draw complete blanks on faces? I know a lot of this might be my anxiety taking over. Ever since finding out I’m a 4/4, I overanalyze and hyper-react to any memory issues and it’s hard to know what is a problem and what isn’t. Thank you so much for your help!

[BradleyD]

36 year old 4/4 here. I also have some terrifying memory lapses, but they tend to coincide with stress, anxiety, and sleep deprivation. I draw comfort, strangely, from the fact that when I was 26 years old I got so stressed over a job that I started forgetting the names of my coworkers and even a few family members. Obviously E4 was not affecting me in my mid 20’s, so stress and anxiety can have a massive effect on your memory, to the point of seeming just like Alzheimers. The good news is, my memory came back fine after I quit the job.

[Shadepeace2]

I’m a 59 year old 4/4 and have always had gaps in memory... particularly of my own childhood. I have attributed that somewhat to having an abusive father. But I also don’t store away many events in my day-to-day life, such as many of the movies I’ve seen, books I’ve read, specifics of events I’ve attended etc. I also have always had difficulty learning people’s names until I’ve known them for a while. And I have often thought that the only reason I have some of the memories I do have is because I’ve repeated the stories so many times to others over the years. My son remembers a lot of things about growing up that I have absolutely no recollection about. And yet I could teach a 6 hour class right now from memory on two different complicated procedures that I used to teach to ICU nurses. And the folks I work with think I’m the one with the answers. (Boy, do I have them fooled! LOL!)
It’s as if I have to repeat things frequently over a long period of time for them to remain a detailed memory. And I often don’t remember people I worked with years ago when others bring them up.
But I don’t perceive any of that as getting worse as I’ve aged...not yet anyway. It’s just one of those quirks I’ve always had...like no sense of direction.
I do however, sense that my sharpness is definitely affected by stress, illness or lack of sleep. So I definitely agree with your assessment that stress and fear may be beating up on you.
It would be interesting if our E4 status affects how we hold onto and access memories. But I suspect that we are just more focused on normal variations that most everyone experiences at one time or another depending on their personality and idiosyncrasies.
I’ve been a little fixated on assessing my cognitive status too since I learned that I’m 4/4 a couple of months ago. I’ve decided though to approach it with humor and at the same time to do all I can to prevent AD. I got a ball-cap in the mail yesterday that I ordered and I’m calling it my thinking cap. It is denim red with cute lettering that reads, “Adventure before dementia.”
I don’t plan on going there. But if I do despite all of my efforts. I’m going to do it with joy and laughter along the way. I pray that joy and removal of stress and fear for you as well. And no more blank baby faces to freak you out. LOL!

[donbob]

Perhaps rumination is causing your difficulty. Consider a simple meditation practice, or yoga. See if you feel better. If not try some other mind diversion. Something is out there for you. Best wishes.

[Laddvan]

I echo Bradley with being impacted by sleep deprivation, stress and anxiety. After finding out my 4/4 status last year at 53, am much more self aware of what's going on in my body and around me during these events.

Laddvan 4/4