SusanJ wrote:Most of us here have faced helping a loved one battling dementia. It's a tough and exhausting place to be. Remember that you are doing your best to support your mom, and all caregivers out there will admit to having bad days and imperfect solutions.DistinguishedHeathen wrote:My mom, for all her flaws, is a wonderful human being who I cherish in too many ways to count, and watching her slip like this and feeling like I'm holding this terrible secret of knowing something she doesn't is pure torture.
You might want to think of it as an act of kindness on your part to keep that "secret" from her. Sometimes the broken brain can't make sense of even the most logical explanations, and hearing "bad" things can be devastating when the ability to process (and remember) information is faulty. It might not be denial on her part, she might just not remember that anyone in the family had dementia, and the word dementia instead evokes a strong emotion that she cannot connect to family history.DistinguishedHeathen wrote:My God, I've had an unusually hard/tragic life as far as personal tragedies and a wildly abusive childhood w/my father and then ex-husband, only to have us both break free of it all to end up here as the world is falling apart around us.
Please take a moment to read our thread about adverse childhood experiences. You owe it to your yourself to work through childhood trauma as you try to improve your own health. I had several years of helpful therapy, and thought I'd gone as far as I could, but when facing some new challenges several years later, I realized I needed more healing.
And do come back and let us know how things are going.
You're absolutely right and I have been on the journey for many years, now. I've just experienced an unusual amount of tragedy from traumatic events (assaults, accidents, seizures/illness) and almost as many deaths of loved ones as I have years of life. After surviving my childhood and formally separating from my father at 13, I haven't gone more than 6 months without a major, life-changing blow, so the grief fatigue and C-PTSD is real and a lifelong work in progress.
That said, I'm deeply happy with the life I've built and enjoy wonderful, healthy relationships with my partner and my chosen family. I've long since fought my existential demons and ascribe to the philosophy that life is suffering and what pleasure/joy we have is a blessing. I'm also very fortunate to have no predisposition to depression. So while I grieve and experience a lot of stress, I always work toward equilibrium and take joy in what I have now, cherish the memory of what I have no longer, and accept all that is yet to come, for better or for worse.