Tincup wrote:While caring and organizing care for my mother, people would comment that it must be difficult as I'm an only child - no one to share the burden with. I would respond that having others to share the burden with can either be really good, or really bad depending upon how they act.
I would concur that everyone with AD/dementia is different. I know that, for myself, I have no desire to put anyone through the caregiving routine, if I can help it. Even if life might be OK for me. I still don't know how I will handle avoiding it at this time. My primary strategy now is to try and extend my health span, of course no guarantees. However I'm not adverse to n=1 experiments that others are mostly unwilling to try.
I have to agree that each family is different in how they handle the stress of care giving. Some are really good about spreading the duties and some end up having "the one" in charge of everything without help. I ended up being "the one" in my family which led to the severing of all relations with my brother (who happens to be the only remaining member of my immediate family). It was a long, tough road but I have a lot of really great memories of time spent with Mom going out for drives, milkshakes, Swedish pancakes and lots and lots of laughter (even during those really tough angry times). I ran into a woman that I went to high school with the other day whose mother is now in dementia care. It was fun to tell stories about those goofy times we had and how I got to experience my mother as more child like. The mother that I knew had been replaced by a different person but getting to know that person was a rich experience in itself. My mother's journey included an almost 10 year stay in a Memory Care facility and she went through every stage known until she was pretty much an infant at the end. I'm sure that it was her worst nightmare but I'm grateful that I was able to walk with her every step of the way.