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[roger_runkle]

I am on the edge of panic!!! Over the past 2 years my wife has been developing AD. I didn't recognize it; I thought her changes in behavior were meerly ordinary aging changes. In January 2020 she began wandering, entering neighbor's houses, etc. In the first week of June 2020 I put her in a board and care home. Michelle (Mickey) is 70 years old; physically in great shape. I go to see her twice a day; in the morning we walk 1100 yards, 7 days a week. In the afternoon we are just together. I am 87 years old. My computor skills are marginal. Is there a ApoE4 support group in Los Angeles? This is my very first attempt to get help. Mickey and I have had a great marriage and a great life. The Lord has been very generous to us. It breaks my heart to see Mickey go out like this. Thank You, juliegee

[Julie G]

I'm so sorry that you're suddenly facing this, my friend. Cognitive decline is often insidious, the changes can be very subtle... until one day it's impossible to ignore. If you want to try to help Mickey, you have a few options. You are very welcome to engage with our community and try to apply a DIY version of Dr. Bredesen's protocol OR you can consider seeking help directly from Dr. Bredesen's group. Learn more here. The former option will require a tremendous amount of time and education, whereas the latter will provide immediate, guided assistance. Best of luck to you and Mickey.

[carrie]

I am on the edge of panic!!! Over the past 2 years my wife has been developing AD. I didn't recognize it; I thought her changes in behavior were meerly ordinary aging changes. In January 2020 she began wandering, entering neighbor's houses, etc. In the first week of June 2020 I put her in a board and care home. Michelle (Mickey) is 70 years old; physically in great shape. I go to see her twice a day; in the morning we walk 1100 yards, 7 days a week. In the afternoon we are just together. I am 87 years old. My computor skills are marginal. Is there a ApoE4 support group in Los Angeles? This is my very first attempt to get help. Mickey and I have had a great marriage and a great life. The Lord has been very generous to us. It breaks my heart to see Mickey go out like this. Thank You, juliegee

Hello roger_runkle,
Welcome to the ApoE4 community. I understand the anguish of caring for a loved one who is suffering from Alzheimer's Disease. You are in the right place.

The site and community offers a wealth of information and support. To help navigate the site, a great place to start is the How-To guide. It includes topics such as navigating the forum, private messaging, and searching. One great tip is using the quote button (") located at the top right of the box when replying to a post. Using this button will automatically alert the member of your response. It really helps keep the conversation rolling. This guide is found in the Resource Section of the main Wiki. Another helpful place to start is the Primer. This is a very informative post written by a physician member of the community.

roger_runkle, thank you for sharing your story. If you have any questions about navigating the site, please don't hesitate to ask. Best wishes to you and your wife, Mickey.

[NF52]

I am on the edge of panic!!!... Is there a ApoE4 support group in Los Angeles? This is my very first attempt to get help. Mickey and I have had a great marriage and a great life. The Lord has been very generous to us. It breaks my heart to see Mickey go out like this. Thank You, juliegee

A warm welcome, Roger, from someone who is just a few years younger than Mickey. I'm so glad you reached out to get help; that requires courage on your part and so I am going to respond to that part of your post. I want to say first that while Mickey's life has changed, with your help and love, she still has a great marriage. Like my father-in-law, who visited his wife daily while she lived in an assisted living memory care unit, you are showing what devotion and love really looks like.

We feel panic when situations seem out of our control, or when the path forward seems completely impossible. The best thing for feeling overwhelmed, or on a path with no signposts, is a guide who has been there before, or who can provide you with information that helps to explain what you and Mickey are experiencing. I think your question about a support group in the LA area is a great one! I used to facilitate support groups for parents of teenagers with severe brain injuries, while the teens were enjoying their own group with a psychologist. Mostly I just realized how important it was for these parents to have someone who could say "Yes, I know exactly what you mean!" and who could also let them know it was okay not to be a "saint" or an "Angel" every minute of every day.

So while there are not specific ApoE 4 support groups with people in your situation in LA, there are virtual support groups (for COVID-19) facilitated by trained people at the Alzheimer's Association. I am not affiliated with the Alz. Assn. and know that they have differing views from those of some forum members, but they do have a 24/7 Helpline and support groups for spouses. The 24/7 hotline to ask about groups in your area is 800.272.3900

As someone who has a fairly high risk of someday needing to be in a memory care unit (because I have two copies of ApoE4), I want to gently urge you what I have already urged my husband: Take care of yourself first! I have also told him that I would hate to have years of painful treatments for aggressive cancer. I actually take comfort in knowing that my mother and her four sisters all had very little pain right up to the end of their lives, with lots of time to be with loved ones. What seems to you, remembering the Mickey of a few years ago, to be heart-breaking, may in her lived experience come to be a place of comforting moments with people who care for her. I have a friend whose mother also developed Alzheimer's at about Micky's age. My friend had wise words for her children: "Grandma may have lost some of her words and her memories, but she hasn't lost her feelings and that's what we're going to value."

Mickey might also suggest that you reach out to family members, if they're nearby, or to Mickey's close friends, who may want to help and yet not want to intrude. Depending on the COVID-19 protocols in your area, see if they can come and spend an hour a week with Mickey, or if the staff can help Mickey have some Face-Time sessions with them, or even just a good old-fashioned phone call. Even when my mother couldn't remember what she had done that morning, or my mother-in-law had trouble finding words, they both loved a good conversation with a familiar voice or face!

There are some clinical trials in the Los Angeles area to determine if drugs that seek to reduce tau tangles, for example, may help slow the progression of Alzheimer's in people with mild to moderate Alzheimer's. If you are interested in having more information on those, just post a reply asking for it and I'll send you a Private Message with links to the specific section of the National Institute of Health's website for Clinical Trials in your area that might be of interest. Participating in the ReCODE program does not necessarily prevent Mickey and you as her care partner from being in a clinical study.

Maybe most helpful to both you and Mickey is to strive to " be in the moment" when you are with her. Look at old photo albums, play her favorite songs from the 60's and 70's, see if they allow therapy dogs in to visit with residents (and if they don't suggest they contact local therapy dog associations and start a program). Know that some days she may be very much like her former self, while others she may be confused or unsure. On those days, do what you would have done if she had a bad dream: reassure her that "I'm here; you're safe; we're going to have a wonderful walk today and then we can talk about anything that's bothering you." Mickey continues to be blessed to have you by her side during this challenge.