I'm 22, learned I'm 4/4, and have been filled with anxiety and depression since.

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sz222
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I'm 22, learned I'm 4/4, and have been filled with anxiety and depression since.

Post by sz222 »

I'm a 22 year old guy in college. I've always been interested in learning about my background ethnicities, so I did the 23andme test. However, they weren't too specific since my family is from SouthAsia, specifically Bangladesh, so I decided to upload the raw data to WeGene. I remember seeing the results, and in the corner, there was "1 health risk". I naively clicked it, and saw that I was at an increased risk of Late-Onset Alzheimers. I was curious, and did more research, and found out that my 4/4 genes give me a 50% chance at Alzheimers when I'm old. Ever since then, I always have this in the back of my head.

Thing is, I wish I never learned this news. I just wanted to know my ethnic background. I've always been stubborn, overconfident. I believe in science, but I've always been someone that believed we have control of our fate. I've always been really positive, expecting the best out of situations, and usually able to reason myself out of fearing the negatives. I used to eat kinda bad at times, but I hit the gym so I believed my body could handle it. I've also always been someone who's derived my confidence from my mind. I love learning. Now, I just can't help think that somehow I'm not that smart. I used to not have a fear of death, but now I can't stop thinking about death, and I keep feeling fearful and scared of the prospects of getting Alzheimers one day.

Furthermore, I feel more anxious because of my parents. My dad is 55, my mom is 50, and I can't help think that I received one copy at least from both of them, and that one of them might be 4/4. My dad is one of the smartest people I know. My grandfather on my mom's side had Alzheimers. So now I'm worried for both of them. My mom sometimes looks really tired, she can be a bit forgetful sometimes, and she has high blood pressure. The doctor once told her she has a fatty liver. She also has anemia. I worry more for her than my dad. She has a tendency to be very anxious or somewhat depressed sometimes, and just be in her own head. Now, I can't help overanalyze everytime she forgets something, or doesn't speak clearly.

Part of this anxiety is selfish. There have been many times where I've had extremely heated arguments with my parents, and things became strained between us at times. I can't say they did everything right, but I have so many regrets about my actions, how I treated them. At the end of the day, my mom and dad did so much for me, and they love me so much, I Iove them so much, even though I don't always show it. I just can't help think that one day, they'll be gone, or that they'll lose their mind, and I have to look at them in their eyes and they won't remember me, and I'll just think about how they did so much for me and I won't be able to repay them.

I probably have been living life unrealistically, but I've just always tried to focus on the good. I've always imagined myself being healthy and active as I got older. I always imagined my parents being around until they're 80 or 90, even if that's not always realistic. I'm probably selfish, but I don't want them to get DNA tested, because I'd rather think that they're 3/4 or 2/4 rather than 4/4. Just for my own anxiety. I know it's selfish. My dad's side of the family doesn't have known Alzheimer's cases. My grandma on my mom's side is getting close to 80, and she is still mentally sharp, so that gives me hope for my mom, though my mom has had way more medical issues in her life. My dad used to occasionally smoke, but he quit 5 years ago. Neither of my parents have ever drunk alcohol. I just can't stop crying at the fact that they might not be around, physically or mentally. I just feel so scared, almost like I'd rather die young than watch them go through that, or die young before I go through anything.

I know a lot of my fears and anxiety come from a place of selfishness. I've always been a dreamer, dreaming that I'll do big things or do something relevant and make my parents proud, and that better things are to come. I just wish I never knew about APOE4.
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Re: I'm 22, learned I'm 4/4, and have been filled with anxiety and depression since.

Post by Tincup »

sz222 wrote: I know a lot of my fears and anxiety come from a place of selfishness. I've always been a dreamer, dreaming that I'll do big things or do something relevant and make my parents proud, and that better things are to come. I just wish I never knew about APOE4.
At 22, don't worry. I have a 31 year old daughter with ApoE4. My advice to her, at her age is just pay attention to her lifestyle, not be obsessive. I'm 3/4 and my wife is 4/4 (not my daughter's mother). I'm 65 and my wife is 61. We are both fine.

For yourself and your parents, see the links in my post here on our Primer and Dr. Bredesen's books. I suggest reviewing and implementing what you can, especially for your parents.

One thing about being "SouthAsia, specifically Bangladesh". Your genetics are susceptible to being "TOFI", that is thin on the outside, fat on the inside. I don't know the cutoffs, but more than a BMI of say 22 may be too much for you. I recall hearing an interview with a doc in the Bay area who deals with a lot of South Asians with this issue. If you want, I can try to locate.

Another resource here is our Wiki.
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Re: I'm 22, learned I'm 4/4, and have been filled with anxiety and depression since.

Post by NF52 »

sz222 wrote:I'm a 22 year old guy in college....I was curious, and did more research, and found out that my 4/4 genes give me a 50% chance at Alzheimers when I'm old. Ever since then, I always have this in the back of my head.

Thing is, I wish I never learned this news. I just wanted to know my ethnic background. I've always been stubborn, overconfident. I believe in science, but I've always been someone that believed we have control of our fate. I've always been really positive, expecting the best out of situations, and usually able to reason myself out of fearing the negatives. I used to eat kinda bad at times, but I hit the gym so I believed my body could handle it. I've also always been someone who's derived my confidence from my mind. I love learning. Now, I just can't help think that somehow I'm not that smart. I used to not have a fear of death, but now I can't stop thinking about death, and I keep feeling fearful and scared of the prospects of getting Alzheimers one day.

Furthermore, I feel more anxious because of my parents....

Part of this anxiety is selfish...I'll just think about how they did so much for me and I won't be able to repay them.

I probably have been living life unrealistically, but I've just always tried to focus on the good... I just can't stop crying at the fact that they might not be around, physically or mentally. I just feel so scared, almost like I'd rather die young than watch them go through that, or die young before I go through anything.

I know a lot of my fears and anxiety come from a place of selfishness. I've always been a dreamer, dreaming that I'll do big things or do something relevant and make my parents proud, and that better things are to come. I just wish I never knew about APOE4.
Hi sz222,
I am almost 69 years old and have ApoE 4/4 also. Usually I try not to give suggestions to smart, kind, scientific-minded and positive-focused 22 year-olds! I have three adult children in their 30's who have many of the same wonderful qualities you have. I also know that it's pretty common that parents and kids go through some tough years in the teens and early 20's. Trust me when I say that your parents are already incredibly proud of you! My husband and I often comment on how different our 3 adult kids are--except for inheriting myopia and the need for braces on their teeth from me! We also know we had arguments when they were younger that we would know how to avoid now. We parents do keep learning as we and you get older!

So I'm not here to offer advice; but to offer some information that you can weigh against all those normal (yes, perfectly normal) fears that you are coping with so bravely by yourself.

You are the person you were before you learned of ApoE 4. It's not a dominant gene--researchers are currently studying centenarian who are 100 years old with ApoE 4 in Denmark! And no one can tell you than YOUR risk of Alzheimer's is 50%! In fact, I've been in a clinical trial where they could see my PET scan and MRI and my blood work and cognitive tests and could only say "You're completely normal to above average in everything. Based on OTHER PEOPLE, we think you have a 35-55% chance of developing mild cognitive impairment (MCI) or having a diagnosis of Alzheimer' by the age of 85."

My 35-50% risk is about as relevant to you as it would have been to predict for me at age 22 that I would have 11 children and die of a stroke like my grandmother, or would die at age 76 of colon cancer like my grandfather--when no one had heard of colonoscopies.
At age 22, you have every right to plan and expect a long, happy and fulfilling life--and to see your parents enjoy watching you do so.

Having two copies of ApoE 4 doesn't make you less smart. It might give you an advantage with verbal learning and "executive functioning" (planning, organizing, setting goals, reflecting on your own behaviors, evaluating your work). None of us is good at everything; but the things you like and are good at now will probably continue to be the same in decades. Some studies suggest that as someone with an optimistic personality, your brain already has a 7 year advantage in "cognitive reserve"!

Scientists know much more about Alzheimer's and vascular dementia than they did 5-10 years ago. At the top of almost every clinical trial are two goals: involve more diverse populations with varying ethnicities and background and pay attention to ApoE4--because people with ApoE 4 seem to respond faster and better to some treatments than others. (That includes exercise, which may be particularly beneficial as a regular habit in young adulthood and mid-life.)

Your parents are almost a full generation younger than I am and will have years of research to help keep them healthy. Your mom's doctor, for example, is almost certainly treating her anemia. Your mom is probably also going through peri-menopause, the years before and during the end of ovulation and changes in hormones. Probably something you didn't want to think about! From experience, I can tell you that it's about as much fun as riding a rollercoaster on a hot day on 4 hours of sleep. Lots of women feel like they suddenly have brain fog, are depressed (who likes to turn 50!), are empty nesters, and having trouble focusing. Life for her should get better also. Maybe for Mother's Day you could but her flowers, chocolate (or her favorite treat) and a copy of The XX Brain: The Groundbreaking Science Empowering Women to Maximize Cognitive Health and Prevent Alzheimer's Disease by Dr. Lisa Mosconi, Director of the Women's Brain Initiative at Cornell Weill Medical College in NYC. She makes a great argument that women need to be kind to themselves and learn about their brains!

As a final suggestion, please consider talking to a trusted friend, or reaching out to a counselor at Student Health at your college, to help you navigate the dark days and nights. We are a community here, but COVID has made it very hard to reach out and hug others. Please know that I'm sending you a virtual hug! Keep reading here, keep posting and keep believing that there's light and hope for you.
4/4 and still an optimist!
sz222
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Re: I'm 22, learned I'm 4/4, and have been filled with anxiety and depression since.

Post by sz222 »

Hi NF52,

Honestly, thank you so much for such an amazing and thoughtful response. It really helped calm me down and relax. And thank you so much for the virtual hug haha, I really needed it. The fact that you're almost 69 years old with 4/4 and doing great really gives me a lot of inspiration and motivation, and makes me realize that things will be fine. Honestly, I didn't really ever plan on making an account here, because I felt like if I did, I'd think about APOE4 even more than I wanted to, but I'm really glad I did. The more I look at research, the more I see that AD seems to be caused more by environment than genes. Also, I love the point you make about how the percentages and odds they put out are based on other people generally, but not specific to myself. I've seen research how APOE4 affects Africans much less, and I realize that there haven't been many studies of how APOE4 affects South Asians like myself. I also realize that many of these studies were done on a generation of people who didn't have much information provided to them at the time, and were involved in a lot of heavy drinking, heavy smoking, and terrible diet with the booming sugar industry at the time, things that we know are bad for everyone, and definitely bad for APOE4 which is considered more primitive and responds worse to processed food. There is also so much that I realize scientists don't know when it comes to genetics, because the all this information about genetics has only come within the past 2-3 decades, and there's so much still undiscovered, such other genes or factors that reduce the chance of AD if you have APOE4, and how we should trust natural selection. Also thank you for giving me some information about what my mom might be going through. My mom honestly in general is doing well, like she's always putting in energy for me and my siblings, she loves to go outside, she loves to travel, she's super social with all her friends and regularly talks to so many friends on the phone. She might be the most social person I know. Its just those moments where she has brainfog I kind of worry, but I realize why that may be. I think I've been severely overreacting with everything, and a lot of it has been anxiety, paranoia, and fear.

It's been a week since I learned about me being 4/4, and since then I've had periods of time where I felt good, periods where I felt alright but this topic was constantly in the back of my mind, and other times where I was just overcome with panic and anxiety. Maybe it's simple things like the weather outside being really gloomy for the past few days, making me feel kinda depressed. I think my mental health has definitely taken a huge toll because of COVID and stress from school, so all those factors exponentially made my anxiety and panic about this and the future way worse. I felt small and vulnerable. Had I learned about this pre-COVID, I really don't think it would've affected me that much because I've always had a mentality of not fearing death, and just trying to control what I can control. I also feel really at peace right now, like the way I felt before all this. I think posting here has helped me remember that I'm never alone, even if it feels like it at times. There will always be people for love and support. Honestly, thank you so much.
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Re: I'm 22, learned I'm 4/4, and have been filled with anxiety and depression since.

Post by RAJ64 »

sz222 wrote:It's been a week since I learned about me being 4/4, and since then I've had periods of time where I felt good, periods where I felt alright but this topic was constantly in the back of my mind, and other times where I was just overcome with panic and anxiety. Maybe it's simple things like the weather outside being really gloomy for the past few days, making me feel kinda depressed. I think my mental health has definitely taken a huge toll because of COVID and stress from school, so all those factors exponentially made my anxiety and panic about this and the future way worse. I felt small and vulnerable. Had I learned about this pre-COVID, I really don't think it would've affected me that much because I've always had a mentality of not fearing death, and just trying to control what I can control. I also feel really at peace right now, like the way I felt before all this. I think posting here has helped me remember that I'm never alone, even if it feels like it at times. There will always be people for love and support. Honestly, thank you so much.
Hi there, sz222. I read through your story and Tincup and NF52’s replies. I wanted to encourage you as well, about your amazing strengths of self-reflection, confidence, positivity, love of learning, visualizing health - all of these strengths that make you YOU, are such a huge blessing! They will carry you through this hard time of dealing with new, surprising and currently unwanted knowledge. Keep framing your new knowledge in a positive light - you now have knowledge about yourself to motivate you to stick to the healthy habits you already have and to adopt new ones as you progress through your life. It’s possible with time you will look back and say, “I am glad I know this about my genetic makeup.” There is so much we can modify in our environment that does turn on or off genes. This is known as epigenetics, which you are also learning about! Best to you, and continued blessings on your journey!

Please continue to reach out as you desire. We are here to support you! :D

Warmly,
Rachel
RAJ64, BSN, RN
Functional Medicine Certified Health Coach
With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
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