Partner found out she's 4/4 - she's OK with it, I'm not
Posted: Tue Apr 13, 2021 2:00 pm
Hello, Newbie here.
about 6 months ago my wife (50) undertook a genealogical DNA test, and 'ticked the box' about other medical aspects, of course curious about various family members who have had cardiovascular problems, but with no family history of Alzheimers I think she never thought for a second that this would be an outcome.
I should stress, I don't blame her for this in any way, it simply wasn't a consequence she foresaw.
Of course, the results came back confirming that she is E4/E4. After a bit of initial confusion and reading, she is fairly blase about it.
I (47) however am a natural worrier with a history of depression and anxiety, and lost my grandmother to Alzheimer's, and have been really struggling with the knowledge. It's hard to explain the complexity of my emotions, but I think I am going through anticipatory Grief, almost mourning, not my wife, but the future I saw for us, if that makes sense?
My parents are baby boomers, and fit and healthy, so in my mind I could very easily be looking at loosing them, and my wife at around the point I should be retiring. And facing that period we all look forward to alone.
I am not sleeping well, have recurring bad dreams I KNOW relate to these fears, but also feel it is not easy to discuss this with my wife, as I know she already feels awful at the consequences of the results she inadvertently brought into our lives. As I say, I don't blame her, and don't want her to feel more guilt than she does for the suffering she knows I'm going through (though I admit I am bottling a lot of it up for that reason, and yes, I know that doesn't help)
We have 2 kids, and she's fit and well. Rationally I know I should be living in the here and now - any of us could be hit by a bus tomorrow, but she's 50, Female, obese and APOE4/4 - I know nothing is certain, but my anxiety also knows the odds are not the way we'd like them to be stacked.
On the up side, she is trying to be more healthy, and much more positive in outlook than me.
I can find a lot of info on 4/4 on-line (perhaps too much for a layman!) but little on the impact of the knowledge on the partners of those getting their results - we know (too late) that such tests are not recommended, but what else is there?
sorry for the long intro, but I really would appreciate any advice / experience in this area
A
about 6 months ago my wife (50) undertook a genealogical DNA test, and 'ticked the box' about other medical aspects, of course curious about various family members who have had cardiovascular problems, but with no family history of Alzheimers I think she never thought for a second that this would be an outcome.
I should stress, I don't blame her for this in any way, it simply wasn't a consequence she foresaw.
Of course, the results came back confirming that she is E4/E4. After a bit of initial confusion and reading, she is fairly blase about it.
I (47) however am a natural worrier with a history of depression and anxiety, and lost my grandmother to Alzheimer's, and have been really struggling with the knowledge. It's hard to explain the complexity of my emotions, but I think I am going through anticipatory Grief, almost mourning, not my wife, but the future I saw for us, if that makes sense?
My parents are baby boomers, and fit and healthy, so in my mind I could very easily be looking at loosing them, and my wife at around the point I should be retiring. And facing that period we all look forward to alone.
I am not sleeping well, have recurring bad dreams I KNOW relate to these fears, but also feel it is not easy to discuss this with my wife, as I know she already feels awful at the consequences of the results she inadvertently brought into our lives. As I say, I don't blame her, and don't want her to feel more guilt than she does for the suffering she knows I'm going through (though I admit I am bottling a lot of it up for that reason, and yes, I know that doesn't help)
We have 2 kids, and she's fit and well. Rationally I know I should be living in the here and now - any of us could be hit by a bus tomorrow, but she's 50, Female, obese and APOE4/4 - I know nothing is certain, but my anxiety also knows the odds are not the way we'd like them to be stacked.
On the up side, she is trying to be more healthy, and much more positive in outlook than me.
I can find a lot of info on 4/4 on-line (perhaps too much for a layman!) but little on the impact of the knowledge on the partners of those getting their results - we know (too late) that such tests are not recommended, but what else is there?
sorry for the long intro, but I really would appreciate any advice / experience in this area
A