Helping parents and other relatives

[Markus]

All of my grand parents, except my grand mother on my father's side, have developed Alzheimer's/dementia and I've started to observe signs of cognitive decline in my parents and other relatives over the last couple of years.

However, despite my best efforts, they don't really seem to change their way of living to any larger extent, but still "complain" about getting forgetful saying: "I hope I don't develop Alzheimer's like my dad/mom."

Given that it is not a determined fate, I'm still hoping that, before it's too late, they will realize that it is in their own hands to decide how the rest of their lives will be spent.

How do you deal with these issues? I feel somewhat tired of telling them that it is largely preventable and/or delayed, and just accept that they have made their choice and not argue with them about it.

[xactly]

My mother refused to listen when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's three years ago, after having obvious memory and cognitive problems for five years before that. She exploded angrily at the neurologist who gave her the diagnosis, and my sister-in-law was present for the tirade. The neurologist told my sister-in-law there are two types of responses to a dementia diagnosis: some people are concerned and want to know what they can do to improve their outcomes, and others refuse to accept the diagnosis. Unfortunately, my mother is in the second group.

She moved in with me a year ago, and I tried to get her on the ReCODE protocol, but she complained about the supplements and wanted nothing to do with the diet, especially when it came to cutting out sugar and sweets. I finally gave up and decided not to make us both miserable.

It's not just my mother, though. I have tried to encourage my 4/4 husband, whose mother died from Alzheimer's, to make changes as well. No luck there, either.

Maybe it's me, and maybe I need a better sales pitch. However, proselytizing to those unwilling to listen is a very stressful experience, so I am now focused on taking care of myself. I have come, rather late in life, to realize that the only person you can change is yourself.

[Fiver]

We tried to help my mom make some changes to slow her AD. My dad was receptive. But my mom was not able to do the physical activity and not willing to change her diet. Her family doctor was zero help. She even had a PET scan and the generic summary simply said "normal". So she declared she "doesn't have that thing". She saw her mom go through 10 years of AD. But she couldn't see the signs in herself until it was quite advanced. We switched to looking out for my dad (the care-giver) and making my mom comfortable.

The early signs were clear to us, but not her.

For her the lifestyle changes were too much, and too different compared to the live she'd lived for decades.

[Sara]

XACTLY... you are right on! You have given it your best shot but each person gets to decide for themselves. I have tried every type of persuasion with my sister but just can't get her to make the dietary changes and now we are bordering on 'to late'! Conversely, I am seeing people succeed when they do get on the protocol and are able to follow it. Sounds like you have your hands full with your mother and your husband so don't forget to take care of yourself and prioritize your own health!

[SoccerMom]

My mother (who is a 4/4) is showing signs of early Alzheimer's at age 67. She took care of both of her parents as they succumbed to Alzheimer's, and she has recently realized that she probably has it to. I lent her The End of Alzheimer's book, and I told her about the changes that I am making (diet and exercise mainly) to make sure I don't get Alzheimer's (I'm a 3/4) and her response was that I am too uptight. She says it must be God's plan for her, and we should "eat, drink, and be merry!"

So I gave up. She's not going to change her lifestyle at this point, and I'm not going to hound her about it.

[DebbieG]

My mom got a mild cognitive impairment diagnosis by her GP in Feb 2017. Around the end of 2017, my dad found a Bredesen trained functional medicine practitioner, started her on supplements, and slowly changed their diet. She complained bitterly for months about the diet and supplements, but recently, she's been more agreeable and seems to be possibly a bit better. But Dad devotes most of his time to her diet, supplements, tests, etc, which isn't possible in many cases. She would never have agreed to just do it herself.

[Jlhughette]

My sister has early onset Alzheimer’s and is on Bredesen Protocol. She is 4/2, is taking the supplements and on the Bredesen diet and loves exercise but has little interest in the reasons for it, and has not gotten worse, which is good, but after 9 months has not gotten better either. My mother died this spring of Alzheimer’s. We started her too late on the protocol. I am noticing more symptoms in myself, finding I have to reach for words. I am also on the protocol and fairly obsessed. However I am finding it harder to cope with my various roles in life and more stressed, although I felt that I was coping well with the caring roles last year. I was focused on my mother’s care part time for 6 years and was able to passionately work full time as a garden designer with employees, which I struggle more with now. I also run a small sheep and vegetable farm. I am representing my sister in her divorce and becoming her legal guardian so I will have more power in court. I have perhaps allowed myself to become a bit less optimistic. As an enthusiast and optimist, that is not good news. I have changed my diet to eating once a day, in a 3 hour window, which I really like. I also eat less animal protein and fat and lots more vegetables, hoping that will help. But my level of stress regarding my sister is much higher than it was with my mother. But when I look back on the reality of my mother’s care the last year I am shocked by the memories. Hard times. I feel something has to give and plan to lay it all out on a large piece of paper so I can look at all the moving parts, figure out how to do everything more efficiently, perhaps give up something, (not easy for me) and move forward more positively. I am very very grateful for this forum.

[slacker]

I have perhaps allowed myself to become a bit less optimistic. As an enthusiast and optimist, that is not good news. I have changed my diet to eating once a day, in a 3 hour window, which I really like. I also eat less animal protein and fat and lots more vegetables, hoping that will help. But my level of stress regarding my sister is much higher than it was with my mother. But when I look back on the reality of my mother’s care the last year I am shocked by the memories. Hard times. I feel something has to give and plan to lay it all out on a large piece of paper so I can look at all the moving parts, figure out how to do everything more efficiently, perhaps give up something, (not easy for me) and move forward more positively.

My father used to say, "I'm not a pessimist, I'm a realist."

I do think that it's helpful to accept that we can't do everything, and to look closely at our priorities to decide what to continue to do, and what to put aside. As our priorities change, so do our decisions on how to spend our time and resources, neither of which are unlimited for most of us. And be kind to yourself!

When I get overwhelmed, I try to reflect on things I am grateful for. That typically is helpful for me.

If you haven't found it already, there is a wonderful resource on stress in our wiki. You might want to take 5 minutes a day to explore it.

[slacker]

There is a lovely and comprehensive topic on caregiver and guardian issues that you all may find helpful.

[Fiver]

I might be repeating things covered in the thread slacker mentioned. To let you know that you're not alone I'll just say that I experience this, usually in waves. When I am helping with my mom it's pretty draining, and I really feel that no lifestyle changes would have helped her (and by extension, me in the future). That might or might not be true. But at those times it seems pretty inevitable. Maybe because this is our third relative to go through it. But it is motivation - like a booster shot for staying on track. I actually plan out my drives to listen to podcasts about healthy lifestyle improvements. And sometimes I re-read studies that showed real benefits. When Dr. Bredesen's next book comes out - it's about patient stories, many positive as I understand it - I'll probably read it and re-read it occasionally.

Care-giving is enough to drain the optimism out of you. I also find that when I'm doing the ketoflex thing and I'm not quite doing it right I actually get a little down at the end of my fasting periods. I think this happened when I don't get the right amount of calories, mostly.

Anyway, just adding my voice to the chorus of "what you're experiencing is certainly normal".

Sending best wishes your way.